Bird’s Eye View:  I’ll have half

Question: Which TV character had the catchphrase “I’ll have half”?  

Award yourself one bag of pork scratchings if you correctly answered ‘Jacko’ from the 70’s TV comedy “Love Thy Neighbour”.  They don’t make shows like that anymore.  Thank goodness.  Jacko’s response to almost every question was “I’ll have half”.  My response is usually “Mine’s a pint”.  Until recently that is.  At this year’s Norwich Beer Festival I drank mainly halves and thirds (yes, thirds!).  It’s a great way to be adventurous and try as many beers as you can.  I’m all for being adventurous.  And I’m all for trying as many beers as I can.

Michele Needleman wrote an interesting article in the October issue of What’s Brewing, which told the story behind the decision to offer souvenir glasses lined at one-third, two-thirds, and three-thirds at the Maidenhead Beer Festival.  Apparently the most popular measure was a third, followed by two-thirds.  The CAMRA survey, back in the summer of 2015, backs this up.  The survey revealed that 34% of people would rather drink their beer from a half-pint glass.  As Tim Page (Chief Exec of CAMRA) said at the time: “"People are becoming more open to trying new beers and moving away from the mentality of drinking pint-after-pint of the same brew.”

Personally, I do like my tipple in a pint glass.  Beer just doesn’t seem right in a small glass.  So, at the beer festival, my halves and thirds went straight into my souvenir pint glass.  I might be a girl, but I don’t like ‘girly’ stemmed glasses.  Or standard half-pint glasses come to that.  I need a large one.

There are times however, when I don’t want to be drinking pint after pint (Yes, really).  Times when perhaps I have a big day in front of me.  Or maybe I’m the designated driver for the night (no, that doesn’t happen very often).  Or more likely when I’m just a teeny bit hung-over.  What to drink then?  Halves don’t last long enough and I’m way past the age when I’d be satisfied with a glass of orange squash and a couple of straws.  Where are all the non-alcoholic and low-alcohol beers?  And I don’t mean Kaliber or Barbican.  Good low-alcohol beers are hard to find.  Adnam’s Sole Star at 2.8 is probably the only one I see locally.  It’s a fine beer but is that the only choice?  Surely with the number of brewers we now have locally, both real and craft, it is possible to create a half-decent drink with little or no alcohol that tastes like beer. 

In September this year the BBC reported that Professor Nutt, a British psychiatrist and neuropsychopharmacologist (try saying that after a couple of pints of Old Stoatwobbler), had developed hang-over free alcohol.  It targets specific parts of the brain to receive: “…the good effects of alcohol, without the toxicity that damages liver heart and other organs of the body.”  Currently the professor is waiting for people to come forward and share investment costs.

In the meantime, while I’m waiting for the good professor to launch his alco-synth……. mine’s a pint!

Cheers!

The Beer Bird

(First published in Norfolk Nips October 2016)

Bird's Eye View: It's not just about the beer

So there I was.  All on my own.  Again.  Siting in the corner of my local, waiting for The Chap to arrive.  It’s not such a bad place to be.  A pint of Dark Star American Pale in my hand and a packet of dry roasted peanuts to nibble on.  I was happy; in the pub, on my own, drinking and nibbling, not being harassed. 

It hasn’t always been this way.  A generation ago few women went to the pub alone, and if they did it certainly wasn’t for the beer.  Or the peanuts.  At the very least you could expect raised eyebrows, and at worst, abuse and harassment.  It would have been rare for women to be seen at the bar, they were usually banished to the snug or the off-license (behind that glass door in the corner).  Many pubs would not have even had female toilets.  Until recently women didn’t really drink much beer, let alone real ale.  Our favourite tipple would most likely to have a spirit, a soft drink or perhaps a half of lager.  Beer in a pint glass?  Unthinkable!

So yes, we’ve come a long way.  And yet lots of women still feel uncomfortable in pubs.  Many have had unpleasant experiences, often involving the drunken bore, but sometimes it is just the little things that need improving.  So what makes a pub female friendly?  A welcoming environment would be a start.  More seating.  An absence of sexist and offensive displays and marketing.  Cleanliness.  Healthy, good-value food (but keep those dry roasted peanuts!).  Books and magazines to peruse.  Soft furnishings (a cushion or two perhaps?).  Outside seating.  Clear signage for toilets.  Ah yes, toilets.  Don’t get me started on toilets.

Those dark, smelly, neglected loos with wet floors and doors that don’t shut.  Toilets that have no hot water, no hand wash, and dryers that don’t work.  I could go on.  Now I’m not a delicate little flower that gets easily distressed or distraught.  I’ve used festival loos – overflowing cubicles, long-drop tanks, and those funny ones where you take a shovel-full of sawdust in with you.  But I don’t want to experience any of that in a pub thank you very much.  And talking of festivals, I’ve been in some pub loos where I’ve regretted not wearing my festival wellies!  Some subjects are best not dwelt on….

I’ve heard of one or two pubs that have offered back massages and beauty treatments to entice women to their pubs.  Now I’m not sure my landlord would go that far (and I’m not sure I fancy a back rub from him either), but women do want a friendly welcome and good manners, and a relaxing, safe environment to meet your mates in.   Don’t blokes want that too?

Now, where’s that toilet?

Cheers!

The Beer Bird

(This article first appeared in the Norfolk Nips October 2016)

                                                                  

Yep, that's me

Bird's Eye View: A Woman's place is.....down the pub?

So there I was.  All on my own.  Sitting in the corner of my local.  No, I wasn’t Billy-no-mates (not on this occasion); I was waiting for The Chap to arrive.  So I played with my phone whilst supping a pint; texting mates, catching up with Facebook, bidding for some shoes on ebay (sad I know), anything to avoid catching someone’s eye.  Actually that’s not quite true.  This is one pub where I’d be happy to sit on my own.  Perhaps with a book.  Or the Sunday papers.  In fact Norwich has lots of really lovely, friendly pubs.  Granted, there are still a few that are unwelcoming, and some that are downright intimidating for women.  But on the whole we are blessed in this city.  It got me thinking about women…..and pubs.   

Although pubs have traditionally been the preserve of men, it was women who did most of the brewing back in the day, usually for their immediate families. The First World War transformed female drinking habits.  Whilst the men were away fighting, women took on the work they had left behind.   Women suddenly found themselves with disposable income, and by all accounts many dashed to the pub and started drinking; and drinking alcohol in greater quantities than ever before!  This prompted moral outrage in some quarters, with calls on the government to take action to keep women out of pubs.                                                        

The Aberdeen Journal in 1914 discussed the “evil” of an “increase in the consumption of alcoholic liquor by women”, authorities in Warrington were concerned about “the army of women crowding the public houses”, and clerics in Dundee called for an outright ban on women in pubs.  The Manchester Evening News even reported that a magistrate, Theophilus Simpson, had conducted an inquiry into the local ‘underworld’ and that during his research, he had been shocked to count “26 women enter a licensed house in ten minutes, with 16 coming out who he had not seen enter”!  He concluded his report saying that soldiers would return at the end of the war to “find their wives dishonoured and drunkards”. 

Thankfully there were no laws or measures introduced that specifically targeted women, despite the fact that there did seem to be a genuine fear that changes in society would lead to a decline in women’s standards; fears not only of drinking, but also smoking and wearing trousers.

Well I don’t smoke, but I do drink and wear trousers, often at the same time.  So I’m raising a glass to those early ladettes.  Cheers girls!

The Beer Bird

(This article first appeared in Norfolk Nips June 2016)

Bird's Eye View: Turned to the Dark Side

My dad liked his beer; he was an ale man.  My mum liked beer; her favourite tipple was a Makeson.  My first husband was a lager drinker; clearly that marriage wasn’t destined to go the distance. Husband number two (the Chap), I can safely say, appreciates real beer.

I love my beer.  To those who say that it is full of carbs and calories I say “It’s not a beer belly darling, it’s the fuel tank for this love machine!”  I once read somewhere that certain vitamins in beer can regenerate the skin and have a positive impact on pigmentation. Your skin becomes smoother and suppler. I’m not sure if that is true but after my third pint I want to believe! 

I guess a lot of us started on cider, before moving on to maybe a shandy or a lager-top.  I was no exception but it didn’t take me long to get a taste of beer, with Ruddles being an early favourite. 

These days I’m particularly partial to golden ales but I’ll try pretty much anything (within reason!).  But dark beers?  I don’t know why but they never really appealed.  I always imagined those dark intimidating brews being very bitter, and they looked so heavy and hard to drink.  Then a few months back the Chap suggested I try Titanic Plum Porter.  Yes, there was a bitter finish, but a calm, gentle bitterness.  And that sweet plumy fruitiness and aroma….I was hooked.  Another instant hit was Damson Stout from Burton Bridge, and on recent trip to The Chap’s home county of Sussex I tasted what is surely nectar of the gods; Dark Star’s Crème Brulee.  

So to all those girls out there who are afraid of what is lurking in the dark, I say be bold.  If you enjoy dark fruits, and rich and intense coffee and chocolate (don’t we all?), then I’m sure you can find a beer that you’ll adore.

I’m off now for a pint of Plum Porter and a cheese roll in the Fat Cat.  Heaven.  See you there.

The Beer Bird

(This article first appeared in Norfolk Nips March 2016)

                                             

        Dark Fruits!